Friday, February 13, 2015

Fifty Shades of Unsexy

Why aren’t movies sexy anymore? Sex and movies have gone hand in hand since the beginning of the art form. Movies became so sexy and daring they had to create a code with the church, banning anything too risqué. However, Hollywood found ways to keep sex in the movies while still adhering to the code as seen in Hitchcock’s Notorious.
That code was lifted and the current MPAA was instated and sex filled the movies again. Once upon a time the dreaded NC-17 and X ratings belonged to prestigious films such as Last Tango in Paris and Midnight Cowboy. In the Regan era when the sexual revolution died with the spread of AIDs there sexy movies like 9 ½ Weeks and Fatal Attraction.  The 90’s were filled with a slew of erotic thrillers from Basic Instinct to Eyes Wide Shut where sex, specifically more daring and atypical sex was showcased. Since then, sex in the movies, serious sexy sex not the comedic raunchy sex, has dwindled into extinction with little, sexy independent films like Secretary and The Dreamers, but never anything mainstream.
            Then comes along Fifty Shades of Grey, the bestselling book with graphic accounts of a BDSM relationship, and Hollywood has a chance to make mainstream movies sexy again. But it wasn’t. There was sex, but it wasn’t particularly sexy. The sexiest scene involved ice cubes in the exact same way as 9 ½ Weeks, where it was done much, much better. 
            The lack of  sexiness in Fifty Shades of was the culmination of a few things. The first was the script. The pacing and the development of the central relationship and characters were completely lacking. They treated the script as if it were an action movie, where everything in-between the explosions is basically filler, except instead of explosions it was sex. This was supposed to be about two characters falling in love and having very kinky sex, but was more about two characters kind of liking each other and talking about having kinky sex and having it in the least sexy way possible, then talking about it some more. It was closer to a real life sexual relationship than the fantasy found in the book. Also, the book is specifically about Anastasia Steele’s transformation into womanhood  sexually and personally. While she’s exploring this new sexual awakening she is also graduating college and getting her first full time job. She’s growing up. This is almost completely void in the film and focuses more on what she is in relation to Mr. Grey instead of who she is as a person. 
            The casting was another unsexy mishap. Though Dakota Johnson did a great job of giving Anastasia as much depth as she could, Jamie Doran’s Mr. Grey was terribly miscast. He is supposed to the fantasy man de jour: tall, strong, confident, and sexy. He seemed more like a little boy who needed to control his more experienced girlfriend, when it’s supposed to be other way around. Dakota’s Anastasia had more sexual confidence than Jamie’s Christian would ever have. I was waiting for her to pick up a whip and smack him around for awhile.
            I wanted this movie to be incredible. A female driven story with a female screenwriter and female director should have been the trifecta of awesome, but it wasn’t. It felt as though the producers were too scared to make the sexy and daring film that has challenged and succeeded in the past. Hollywood needs to remember how to take risks, maybe then films can be sexy again.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Crazy Stupid Love


This movie is crazy, awesome fun. It is one of the best romantic comedies to come out in awhile with the same feel as When Harry Met Sally. It covers old love, new love, true love, disintegrating love, unrequited love, and plain ol' lust. There's something sweet about a wounded Steve Carell that makes me want to take care of him, so I fell even more in love Ryan Gosling when he does. Everyone in the film has great chemistry, created a wonderfully relatable cast. The best though is Steve Carell's son, a lovelorn 13 year old, convinced that his soul mate in his 17 year old babysitter. He's truly the heart of the film. A film that steals your heart and makes you laugh until you can't breathe.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Fright Night (2011)


This is one of those rare moments when a remake is better than the original. I liked everything about this movie from the actors and the characters they played to the story and dialogue. A perfect horror comedy filled with all the fun and chills expected from the hybrid genre thanks in large part to the incredible script by Marti Noxon. Colin Farrell plays the perfect dangerous, alluring and sexy vampire which contrasts well with Anton Yelchin's geeky boy next door. This was positively a truly entertaining film and worth watching and laughing at again and again.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Colombiana

Luc Besson has done it again. Another great film featuring a deadly female assassin just looking for some peace of mind. I love watching a chick kicking ass and Zoe Saldana was kicking it good. You don't want to fuck with Cataleya or get on her list, because she will fuck you up and mark you with the orchid she's named after.   

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark


Don't go in expecting to see a horror movie, because it isn't. It really is a gothic fairy tale with some creepy moments, but nothing classifying as true horror. It would be scary to a child, like a fairy tale would, with a moral to the story. As per usual for a Guillermo Del Torro film, the art direction was fantastic. The creepy old mansion was beautiful and magical just like all the environments in his films. It's one of those movies that are better to watch with little distractions so you can get sucked in and live in the world the film as created because it heavily relies on atmosphere. Quietly follow the whispers and let the dark wash over you.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Conan the Barbarian (2011)


Violence. Blood. Violence. Violence. Half-naked man. Violence. Half-naked women. Violence. Violence. Violence. Sex. Violence. Violence. Violence. If this sounds like fun to you, then see the movie. I had fun watching the most ridiculous and amoral film I have ever seen.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Final Destination 5

I remember watching the first Final Destination and thinking it was so cool and different. I remember watching the second hoping for the same. I remember reluctantly watching the third, but getting the same thrill in watching stupid teenagers die. I remember being excited to watch the fourth in 3D and enjoying the death scenes. I was excited to see the fifth and I was not let down. As usual with any horror sequel the plot comes second to the elaborate death scenes this franchise is known for, but who goes to a horror sequel for the plot anyway? The whole movie felt like a homage to the entire franchise, with beginning and ending montages featuring all the death scenes in every single installment and creating a full circle effect. This movie works because it embodies the theme of all the Final Destination films: what goes around comes around.

The Ward (DVD)


John Carpenter's name is synonymous with horror and it was sad to see his latest film have a limited theatrical release with just a quick hop to DVD. Though this isn't one of his great films, it is still better than most of the generic horror films released today. It's a mix of Girl Interrupted and Shutter Island with a cliché ending that needs to stop being used, but it was watchable because Carpenter knows what he's doing. He knows how to handle suspense.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I remember watching bits and pieces of the endless marathons of all the Planet of the Apes movies on AMC when I was kid. The movies got stranger and stranger and I quickly lost interest. This film brings the interest back. A great origin story that could be believable. I was hesitant when I first heard about the film because who needs another Planet of the Apes film, especially one starring the over-hyped James Franco, but after the first trailers were released, I was interested. What really makes this film work are the nods to the other films in the series, giving it a nostalgic feel. So enjoyable on a hot August night.

Season of the Witch (DVD)

Another film that belongs in the Nicolas Cage subgenre. This time crazy Cage is a rogue Crusades soldier in charge of transporting a witch to some monks who will "take care of her". It's fun. It's campy. It's worth renting if you're in the right mood. Ron Perlman and Nic Cage have good chemistry and enjoyed working together. The fact that the movie doesn't take itself seriously, is what makes it work.